Mastering the Art of Speak Romance Like a Generation Z: 51 Hyperspecific Words for Love, Sex and Bad Behaviour

This year marks a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the notion that someone could abruptly cease communication with a partner without explanation seemed like the peak of disrespect. How naive we were. In the decade since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an commonly pointless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media slang.

Zoomers, a cohort who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a extensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, romance's gold standard is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This means seeking out someone who helps you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A outing where two people bond while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional excess, it refers to partners who forgo having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Behavioral habits signaling a prospective partner is not right. Such as calling their former partners crazy, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks confirm your decision to pursue a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday turnoffs that immediately shut down any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic act.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {